Monday, August 24, 2009

I was thinking all along, why did she get so pissed when I told her to use protection. Now I know! Hahaz. Being kept in suspense really gets to me, but now since I know the reason le. I feel much much better. It isn't me that is mean or evil or a loser or stoop so low. Is just her little heart which cannot take my joke and thinks that I am trying to get back at her for rejecting me. This totally isn't my ideal person in mind too. Matured yet narrow-minded, better off without her.

As the saying goes, the old goes so that the new one will come. Very true.
Oh I remembered someone told me to diversify too. Fortunately, I did. So if Plan A fails, I have Plan B! Just need to jump start Plan B, it has been dormant for too long.

Today PHS breifing was so cool. Met many of my friends, from JC, from BMT and even from church. You see I aren't a NUS Med student, but I am under Singapore Medical Society of London (SMSL). This is so as I am an Imperial College Student. Such benefits and good links. My friends were surprised to see me, they went, you study medicine too. I went, oh nah, medicine? I am under SMSL, this got me a few ooh... and ah... Cool cool.

Went and had mega bites for dinner with Jia Yi, the guy at the counter tricked me, he said that he will give me two pieces of salmon, but in the end, he only gave me one. So nvm, was in a good mood so didnt argue with him. It was great talking to Jia Yi, for it has been since we caught up le. Maybe will go down to NUS every now and then for more catch up sessions. Oh Mega bites rocks, but there is this smell after coming out from it.

To all out there, go down to Ang Mo Kio hub on 29th or 30th Aug 09 for a free health screening and there is goodies bag. Just flow thru it, there is a pricking of finger to check the blood glucose level. Other than that, it will be fine!

Short pain is better than long pain!


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yozzybrother blogged @ 10:15 PM

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

I read through my few previous posts. A friend of mine was right. I was too impulsive and I wrote what I felt, I just tumbled everything out. But I did not spare a thought for anyone. Now I hope I have not hurt her.

I just hope you will not give me this silent treatment. When I was all alone and weak, you were the one that put me back on my feet. I cannot do without you, but I know that since things have degraded to such as extent. I have to try.

People once said that if we do not lose something, we will never understand the meaning of cherish.

Hey my sun, please forgive me.
Thank you and take care.


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yozzybrother blogged @ 11:15 PM

Such an eventful week.
I need a break. Hahaz.
I been thinking, but it is ok.
I will just forget.
There is no other way.
Starting afresh, somewhere and somehow.

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yozzybrother blogged @ 9:59 PM

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Friday, August 14, 2009

Didnt go with the guys to Zirca today.
Didnt feel well.
Didnt have the mood.
Maybe some other times.

Having this massive headache lately.
Is it because of what has happened recently?
I hope not, but I cant seem to help it.

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yozzybrother blogged @ 11:12 PM

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Running away wont help. You can delete your facebook profile, you can change into another name. You can change your number, you can ignore me. Oh why dont you shift house too? To Aus, since you gonna study there.

Maybe my change in my sense of humour pissed you off too. So if you cant accept, why not just fucked off. You asked me how can I changed so much? Why dont you ask yourself, why did joe change so much. I think you know the answer better than me. It was not that night where I got drunk that made the change in me. It was your reply. You think guys are made of stone? On the surface, we are as hard as diamond, but deep down inside, we are still soft. Cant you imagine the thousands of slashes you made? Oh you did not know, it is not your problem. Fine. I do not care anymore.

I harden myself after my first relationship. After my second attempt in an unsuccessful one way feeling for another person. I hardened myself even more. When you came along, I though everything will be fine. But no, you are matured, you know what you want. But you do not think about your actions. Why? An only child spoilt you? Go to hell.

To all who reading this blog, if you read it, keep it to yourself. Dont go be a tell-tale and start telling people their name is on my blog. If that makes you happy, that is ok, but if she ever tells me off again because her name is on my blog. You will fucking pay for it. Though I doubt she will, she is running away. Scared. Disappointed. Maybe too long of not studying makes her too free. Someone who is turning twenty is still behaving like a fifteen years old. I do not know what to say.

This is getting on my nerve. But is alright. Something somehow have to blow up. That is the best way to end it. I really have enough. maybe this will get me saturated and be more focus on what I have to do. Work distract me in the day, tv distract me in the night. I think i will survive.

Leave, just leave and never come back.

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yozzybrother blogged @ 10:31 PM

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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I am stupid, I am absurd and I am rhetorical.
Oh this is what I get for caring and being concern for someone.
Fucked it.
Is it dumb to be more sensitive? Is it ridiculous for caring for someone?
This is stupid la. So being good just sucks right?
I thought, I assume and I infer. Ok so this sucks to you too.
That is what friends are for. Oh maybe I aren't even your friend, just some idiot to be made used of. You cannot return the feelings I have for you, I am alright with that, but do not treat me like a fool. I have emotions, I have feelings. Guys can be hurt too. Read Abigail's blog, hahaz, what she said is quite true," Thought maybe you know, I invested too much time and energy into something that never really had a potential." Too true, too true. Maybe not what I am experiencing, but around there. Wahahz..

Elvin, you want to take charge of marcus case? You can take it. You know no shit and you want to take charge? Fine with me, but if you screw up. I do not care if you are a CPT or my superior, I will still screw you big time. I do not care if you are a degree holder and been in the Navy longer than me. In FCTU, you are very Junior, too Junior to say much. Since you want to take charge, you better do a good job which I feel you can never do so. You never care for your men, you have no guts at all, you never ever feel and understand how your men feel. Yet, you think you know everything. Elvin Toh, I take this as a direct challenge from you. As long as I am in FCTU, you will never have it your way, even if I leave, I will ensure the next PC will be a fighter as well. He will fight for the men's welfare, he will fight for the PO's welfare, he will run the Coy, not you. Chun Ren is almost ready. He aren't junior compare to you, You two are just one month apart and he knows more than you. Oh Elvin, you feeling sour that they did not have to clear OOD assessment by XO? Actually, XO know that they are doing OOD duties. You like to stir shit to OpsO right? Fine by me, you only think that shit can hit the fan. You never know that shit can be detonated right? Who is the detonator? It is me. You want to test the system right? The system will put you to the test. If you get demoted to a 2LT and stuck at 2LT all your navy career. It is not me, you are digging your own grave from this very moment.

Swimming meet today was fun. First event was me, 400m freestyle, darn la. Out of shape liao. it has been too long since I swam. Went to disturb Jovin in the control room, he was the MC, he was sad he could not swim the 400m too. Haha, relax dude, you need to rest after your triatholon. Though it wasa while ago. It was great to hang out with my guys in the pool. Really good. Oh slasped around with Hao Ran too. Secured the guys around 1130am, OJT or not. I told them they were working party and needed to rest. Who cares what Elvin thinks, he does not even understand the guys. So whatever to him.

Went out for Swensen lunch with me guys. Oh good deal, for Swensen having one for one lunch deal. Shop around Tamp and then went to UniQlo for Kelvin to buy his Polo-T.

Dad baked pizza, I have to say that it is good. Though this is his first attempt, but well done.

Life is so screw up now. I just want to ORD and work in some bakery. The smell of bread calms me. hahaz.

Friday night going to Zirca, I need a break. I need some loud music to distract me again. I need to chill out with me guys. It is not a matter of want, it is a NEED.

~Where is my solace?~

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yozzybrother blogged @ 9:52 PM

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Monday, August 10, 2009

Went to Sentosa today.

Wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life. Actually, my mum also wanted to visit Sentosa after such a long while.

Underwater world still looks the same, just that the fishes seem more stressed and frenzy. I just feel that the whole ecosystem at the Underwater world will just fall apart one day.

I love the Luge ride and Sky ride. Since we bought a package that entitled us to free Sky ride, we went on and on like crazy! If there was unlimited Luge ride too. Wa.. that will be the best.

I feel different these days. More hot tempered, more rash. Is this me? Or did something change me? I feel that all along I been toned down because I felt that I have to have a good impression. That I am a good boy, so that I can be with her. However, since it has lead to this stage and there aren't anymore turning back for me. There is no point to have this good boy boy image. I just want to be myself. I think this is the real me. Though, I will offend many. But who cares, it is not like I am doing something wrong. Just being more direct and not afraid to express myself regardless of others feelings. This will feel good.

Since Sec 3, when I got into a relationship, my circle of friends has been diminishing. Chun Ren is right. No point giving up everyone around you for a girl. Now when I am trying to get back into the circle of friends. I cannot. I been away for too long. My life just revolve around the girl/girls I like. Now I understand that there is no point. Have I really grown up?

I will still need time to get over her. With her and her friend going over to Sentosa in cable car or driving in. Yes, it gives me the pang of jealousy. Why not me? Does it really matters now? Is she history? Or was she just trying to pacify me by making me understand and on the other hand she goes out with other ppl? WTH... I dont know la. So messed up.

Yup, we are free ppl. I have no right to be jealous. But still...
This sucks la. I been trying to distract myself from her. Going to Zouk is not something I want to do, but at least it provided momentarily distractions. It blocked out my thoughts and all I wanted to was to mingle around. Watching movies does not only tell me the story but also it makes me engross for a while as well. Listening to music also helps.
However, there are not permanent solutions. I just have to hold back till I go to UK next year and start over afresh. New ppl, new friends, new girls. But I wont be so dumb to jump into a relationship. I need to really enjoy myself with all the new ppl in UK and do some QC. Wahahz.
I just need to start afresh.

I do not want to turn back time. Yes, I regret what I have done at times, but they are over. Time waits for nobody and what is over is over. I will move on. A new life awaits for me in UK.

Anyway, I been thinking. After I ORD, maybe i aren't going to work at Subway.
I wanna go work at some ulu random bakery. I want to know how to bake bread, make cake and many more. Maybe even pizza?? I think this will be more objective. But who wants to employ a greenee like me. Gotta hunt around. hahaz
Or maybe I work at Sentosa where there is the Luge and Sky ride. Wow.. that will be simply gorgeous. Free rides...

Need to settle quite a number of stuff back in camp. Sigh... If everyone just be good boy boy and everything will be so peaceful. I am gonna release another grenade in camp. But this should be mild. Need to help my guys with their welfare at times. hahaz.

I just want you to know. I know that it is impossible between two person of different lifestyle, different personalities and different attitude. I have feelings for you and you cannot return me what I have for you. Is okay. I understand. I just want you to know that whenever you need someone, I will be here. Maybe to you I am just a grain of sand in East Coast. Just too plentiful. But to me, you are my one and only Sun.

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yozzybrother blogged @ 10:32 PM

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Thursday, August 06, 2009

What a slack slack week.

Tuesday was suppose to have Coy Cohesion at Fountain View resort. However, I had to help SF with the training of NSmen at Changi Naval Base. So I told him to give me an OFF on Thursday which today. As such, I could blog here.

Actually, I wanted an OFF on Thursday for I intended to go to Zouk on Wednesday for some fun. So yup...

I reached just in time for the BBQ on tuesday evening. It was fun. However, there was too much beer and it sucks. This is because beer makes me feel very very bloated. What the H... So got drenched in beer by CO who used the cane opener to poke a hole in the beer can. The best part was when kangyu was drenched in beer. Whahaz. Everyone tried to take turn to get Elvin and it was a waste we didnt get to draw on him if not I will have draw all sorts of shit on him. He was lucky.

Went upstairs to play some other card games with the guys. There was this absolute volka vanilla flavour which was so so good. I think I will wanna drink it even without losing the game. There was also this barcadi 151, which was said to be flammable due to it 75% alcohol. Tried to get Elvin to drink again, but he kinda vomit a mouthful out. He claimed that he cant drink. Hey SF, i cant drink too, but I just drink and get wasted. Why cant you just drink and knock out so I can give you more grafitti all over. Anyway, it was a good night. I tried to fall asleep later on, but I was sleeping beside Kelson and his snoring was like an alarm clock which could not stop ringing. NB. However, in the end still manage to catch a wink.

No hangover, no giddiness on Wednesday morning. Trooped to Changi Village with me guys for breakfast. Initially wanted to have Subway, however, some of them left for the hawker centre. I regretted not going to the hawker centre because the Subway service at Changi Village sucks big time. They were so slow, so incompetent, so confused. It just made the whole breakfast tasteless and irritating.

I discussed with ronnie and decided that we could allow the guys to leave the chalet early. Some sort of half day from the chalet. Elvin was like, could you sms XO to inform him that we are giving the Coy half day? I was like sir, this is already an OFF day for the guys, you can just give them half day, no need to inform XO. Elvin is just so irritiating, he do not even have balls... I wonder how is he going to take charge of operations next time. F him, if not for Ronnie or me, he will die during Mainsail or Resilient. Darn him, he is the OC but he getting me, a PC to do his job, what the hell.

Anyway, along the bus journey back to Tamp, Elvin sms Chun Ren to ask him to tell XO. This is so pissing me off, but in the end I send an sms to Lester, to tell him we are securing our guys from the chalet. Lester reply was so funny, he said that next time if there is any event, we have to sms him or call him to let him know, because he did not know that he was invited to the event. So much for not being in office Lester, you still wanna blame us? Anyway, I went to stir shit. i told Lester that we have already send an email to all officers, maybe Elvin forget to tell him. Wahahaz. This is so gonna get Lester mad with Elvin.

I am so gonna plan for an Internal Meeting soon. To hand over to the new PCs and also to get Lester to nag Elvin over his IPPT. Wahahz. Ok fine, I know this is childish, this is cheap thrills and there is Karma, but I just cannot stand Elvin. His height has given him a psychological disadvantage and he still wanna use his Guai Lan-ness.

Met Waylon at Paya Labar to head down to Zouk. It is my first time going there. I do not even know what it is like there. Was feeling quite excited though... Walked through Great World City with Waylon and ended up at our destination. Met up with Dominique and HP along the way. So there is Zouk, Phuture and Velvet. Since I could not get into Velvet, we went into Phuture.

Thanks to Kangyu for the tequila neat, it was good. But my teeth now hurts after biting into the lemon. Wahahaz. Actually, I like the atmosphere there. However, when the crowd started to come in at around midnight, it was getting hotter and more crowded. Oh and there was this Long Island drink. Whatever it is made off, it tasted good, but was a little strong.

Anyway, I feel that though the atmosphere was really good. I may not want to go too often. Cause it shows all the ugly sides of people. Girls sitting outside the toilet, hands in their face, definitely knocked out. Boys trying to show their moves and moving around dancers. It was an eye-opener, maybe my cup of tea, but straining on my ear drums. Wahahz.

Anyway, I am gonna enjoy my OFF day today. Maybe going for a jog later. Improve my blood circulation and riding my body of the alcohol it has been taking so far.

Oh and thanks to Waylon for saving me a couple of times yesterday, hope you aren't getting any hangover.

Duty tml and meeting my Pri sch friends on sat for lunch. Filled with activities, very good, very good.

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yozzybrother blogged @ 1:19 PM

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